When someone shares their emotions with you, let them know that what they’re going through is legitimate. You don’t have to agree with their perspective, but acknowledging their experience can make a world of difference. Phrases like “I understand why you feel that way” can show empathy and support. Such validation can make them feel less alone and more connected to you. As a therapist, I’ve seen this ripple effect time and time again.
The first five minutes when people sit down, the speech is just starting. The speaker’s anxious, but the audience is anxious because they don’t know if the speaker’s going to suck, and it’ll be terrible. And so, if you can tell a few minutes of jokes in the top, everybody can relax, this is not going to suck, this guy knows what he’s doing and then they will be relaxed for you. In this episode, David Brooks unpacks why listening is deep, creative work.
- Psychological safety allows employees to speak without fear.
- Sharing in someone’s excitement doesn’t require a lot of effort—sometimes, a simple “That’s amazing!
- Being present with someone means giving them your full attention when you’re together.
- The first five minutes when people sit down, the speech is just starting.
Actions reinforce trust and inspire further contributions. So, if you want to make others feel heard, here are some areas to focus on. Sometimes the first step is not finding the right advice.
Regularly repeating them reinforces trust and makes employees feel consistently acknowledged and valued. Active listening strengthens trust, improves communication, and creates emotional safety in personal and professional relationships. When people feel genuinely listened to, they are often more open, collaborative, and willing to navigate challenges together. So how do we do the work of helping people feel heard? At one level, it’s an art that’s unique to each one of us and that each one of us has to personally cultivate. Yet there are also skills and practices we can deliberately learn.
When a team member is sharing something with us, we are often pre-loading what we will say back. We try to think about whether we agree or disagree with them or come up with any questions to ask or advice we might provide. Instead, I invite you to be completely present when they are talking and allow yourself a moment before responding or providing solutions. Leaders need to recognize and acknowledge what their employees need and want.
When we actively listen to someone, we are showing them that we value and respect them. This can lead to increased trust and a sense of closeness in relationships. Active listening can help us better understand and appreciate others’ perspectives, leading to deeper insights and more effective communication.
The Toxic High-performer Problem: Why Your Best Employee Might Be Your Biggest Risk
We create a space where they feel safe, valued, and understood. And in that space, they can process their emotions, find clarity, and make choices that align with their true selves. Other times, we might invalidate someone’s feelings without even realizing it. Phrases like “It’s not that bad” or “You’re overreacting” can shut down the conversation and make the other person feel like their emotions don’t matter. It can also make them feel worse about their natural reactions and create more distress, or cause them to shut down emotionally.
Use Nonverbal Communication
I just want you to know I’m going through something. And the way I do it is I look at how musicians do a rock concert. And I watch where they put the big songs in their repertoire that they put at the end, they put in the beginning. I’m a big Bruce Springsteen guy, he’s got a song called Badlands, which opens up the audience emotionally.
Whether it’s gardening, painting, or gaming, take the time to learn a little about it. This not only shows that you respect them but also opens up opportunities for deeper conversations. Such gestures can transform a casual acquaintance into a meaningful friendship. Connecting with others on a deeper level can sometimes feel like a lost art.
Clients who feel heard in therapy often go on to practice the same skills in their own relationships, creating a cycle of connection and growth. You don’t need a degree in psychology to be a good listener. All it takes is a willingness to open your mind, to be curious, and to show up with empathy. Dedicate a specific meeting time for employee contributions. Respectful timing demonstrates commitment to employee voices.
Taking note of someone’s likes and dislikes shows that you pay attention to them. Next time you meet, bring them their favorite blend. According to psychologist Dr. Gary Chapman, small acts of consideration can strengthen relationships because they show attentiveness and care. When you remember these details, you demonstrate that the person matters to you, making them feel valued. It’s not about the tea itself; it’s the fact that you remember something that’s important to them.
How To Deal With Feeling Unheard (and Why You Feel That Way)
When offering feedback or criticism, it is essential to always start by highlighting the positive aspects of what was shared. By acknowledging the strengths and value of their contribution, you create a more receptive atmosphere. Even better, when you build upon the idea you demonstrate how much you value it. If you must offer constructive feedback and suggestions for improvement, focus on growth and development rather than solely pointing out flaws. This approach encourages individuals to embrace feedback as an opportunity for growth rather than feeling discouraged. Building on strengths and encouraging growth fosters a positive and supportive environment.
Leading questions can make someone feel defensive or limit their ability to express themselves fully. When someone shares their feelings with you, it is important to validate them. This means recognizing and respecting their emotions, even if you don’t necessarily agree with them. By acknowledging their feelings, you are showing that you value and respect them. The first strategy for effective listening is to be fully present and attentive when someone is speaking to you. This means eliminating distractions, maintaining eye contact, and using nonverbal cues, such as nodding and facial expressions, to show you are engaged.
At home, at work, and in civic spaces, it’s not uncommon to have conversations that make you question the intelligence and benevolence of your fellow human beings. Your 18-year-old daughter announces she’s in love, dropping out of college and moving to Argentina. Your yoga-teaching brother refuses to get vaccinated for COVID-19 and is confident that fresh air is the best medicine. Your boss is hiring another white man Bestdates review pros and cons for a leadership team already made up entirely of white men. Appreciation should extend beyond significant achievements. Recognise everyday contributions, however small.
